Today I had my annual what-am-I-doing-with-my-life-and-is-this-a-good-one crisis. I don’t know the answer, but I do know that I feel prouder of my life today then I did last December 31st. This wasn’t an easy year, but it was a good one. I stopped behaving as “old Evan” and started behaving as “New Evan”. It wasn’t something that magically happened, though, it’s something I intended to happen.
We can grow by leaps and bounds, but our head and our heart sometimes have to catch up. I know it’s maybe hard to believe, but there were long stretches in my early twenties when I felt very lonely and disconnected. When you feel that way for a couple of years, it can be hard to realize when things have changed. It’s like the permanence of the problem blinds you to the new reality. It takes work to accept the New.
Over the past year, I’ve worked hard to stay alert to the fact that things have changed and that loneliness — plus a thousand other issues — are no longer part of my day-to-day reality. I’ve had to pave new avenues of thought and chose to do things differently than I used to. Am I feeling lonely? Call someone! Don’t wait for friends to magically sense that you’re in need of a phone call. Feeling frustrated? Go for a really long walk! Feeling “off” and not sure why? Brene Brown that situation and figure out what made you tick!
I also realized that mistakes aren’t eternal. I made some big ones a few years ago and somehow thought they would always influence my life. No, not on my watch! Use your mistakes as lessons and promptly move on.
If you ask me to summarize 2018, I would have you close your eyes and picture a Midwestern sunset. Sunsets are something we all see and enjoy, but they're easy to ignore. This year, I stopped and saw the sunsets. It’s a metaphor, yes, but I actually did text my mom a bunch of times and tell her to go outside and look at all of those hues of pink and orange. I acknowledged the beauty of this life and the significance of waking up every morning and seeing it all begin anew. These sound like the ramblings of someone facing a life-threatening illness, but they’re not. They’re just the ramblings of someone who is very grateful.
thank u, next.